![]() ![]() However, living through 2020 was particularly disruptive for me as a new business owner and mother of two, and it took me awhile to adjust. It was an unexpected curveball of parenthood and I’ve learned that, pandemic or not, it happens to most couples. Having two under age 2 was hard but also helped us learn how to work better together and how to steal time until we could make time. There were times our relationship suffered because we didn’t know how to prioritize it once we had children. Having uninterrupted time to talk or even problem solve with my spouse went to the bottom of our growing to-do lists. Having kids takes a lot of energy and focus, especially if they’re 20 months apart. Any time you have a baby, you and your partner change. I started a new business in 2019, just before I had our second baby. In spite of that, we feel lucky to have weathered the financial, emotional, and social storms of this time together. I can say that truthfully and honestly because we’re now on the other side of those stressors. These years have been stressful, and it’s been difficult to juggle the demands of our relationship with our children and careers. We’ve spent the last two years in a pandemic - and in and out of quarantine with two very young children. This year my husband and I will be married for seven years. We start marriages with the promise of forever, knowing that is not meant for every marriage. Choosing to stay in a relationship and love someone through years of change is pretty incredible. Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., is AARP’s Sex and Relationships ambassador.While I don’t consider getting married an accomplishment, I have come to consider staying married an accomplishment. You need to find out what is at the root of your fantasy-and what can make life better for both of you. When to worry: If you are taking steps toward leaving, or just threatening to do it, things are seriously awry. What it usually means: Daydreaming about escaping your life (and spouse) could mean you need a new job, more exercise, help with a money mess, or a fix for a stymied friendship. When to worry: If your partner lied about something big-such as losing a job-or because he or she was sincerely afraid of your reaction, your relationship has ceased to be intimate, understanding, or supportive. What it usually means: White lies such as saying a new gadget was on sale when it wasn’t are common. When to worry: If you find yourself disliking all your partner’s friends, or if you’re frequently downright rude, you’re probably mad at your partner, or you would be more generous. If you’ve been a jerk to someone your spouse adores-well, join the club! What it usually means: You’ll never love every person a partner brings into your life, and there’s usually at least one you actively loathe. You’re sick of pretending to like your partner’s family or friends If the list looks weak to you, consider seeing a counselor.ĥ. Try to reorient yourself by listing your spouse’s great qualities and the wonderful experiences you’ve shared. When to worry: It’s more than nostalgia when you constantly compare your real-life partner with someone you could have married but didn’t. Sometimes you wonder “What if…?” Everyone does. What it usually means: Thinking about how your life might have been different is a wistful escape during periods of self-doubt. With discussion you may realize you’re angry about something entirely different. When to worry: If you stay angry long after the offensive behavior occurs, you need to find out why it bothers you so much. What it usually means: When you share space year after year, you’re going to see your spouse do some unlovely things-and vice versa. Your partner is starting to gross you out ![]() What to do? You don’t need to tell your spouse you are craving someone else, but you can say you don’t feel fully connected and you want to talk through what might be blocking your ability to relate.ģ. When to worry: If you can’t become physically aroused without pretending you’re with a particular person, there’s something more serious at work. As the old saw goes, you’re married, not dead. What it usually means: Thinking about sexy people is the most ordinary thing in the world. When to worry: If your spouse no longer seems to enjoy your company, or gets angry or dismissive when you suggest time together, there could be something else going on, such as an affair or serious depression. ![]() That’s okay: Time apart creates room to miss each other and bring new experiences to the relationship. What it usually means: Over time, couples often go from visiting the mailbox together to pursuing hobbies-or even vacationing-separately.
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